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this year`s love.

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& thats the loving sound. [ 08.14.2005 ]
9:29 am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

so haley was suppose to leave almost 2 weeks ago. so the like 2 sundays ago, we all went out. erin, haley, luke, riley & i. luke & riley are they two guys who graduated from smithsburg & they are so awesome :D they are the guys who took ship & i too a party a while ago, which was one of the best* parties ive been to aLL* summer! anyways, we went to spencers house - this guy erin & i have known since 9th grade...he goes to tusaora. so yeah. so many people where there - willie & josh..yeah.
it was sooo frikkin fun! but then, hay got really drunk, & broke her ankle falling down stairs. :( so, john came to help her, erin was sober & i went home at like 4.
haley stayed an extra week tho.

the beach was great! i really wish jess* could have come. but it was nice to be out with he family. i actually met alot of people at the pool in the out-tub area :D & we hungout a couple of nights. there were really hott guys <3 & they were really nice, so it was fun. :D
we went out every night, although it rained like 3 days, so we couldnt go to the beach those days, we went to the malls & did other things, broadway on the beach, calabash, & barefoot landing. at house of blues, the guy in the band who was 27 tried to get my number & my brother was so mad :P lol. it was funny.
but i had a great time :D its nice to my back with my friends tho!

school soon! SENIOR YEAR! <3333

5  i want all of y o u

sweet you rock & sweet you roll <3 [ 07.29.2005 ]
2:30 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

hay-hay is hereee =)
sunday was fun. we all went to johns. jen & becky came! matt, justin, bryan, ryan,& bp were there to. we all slept over to :D good times.
so we have been hanging out alot. hungout with willie the other night. stayed out til about 3:00. i was tireddd :P.
erin got her job at headlines so shes quitting polo. :) good job erin.

i havent talked to rach & cast in forever. i kept calling them & they never called back, so i figured if they wanted to hangout they would call me. but, yeah =\
steven called me again the other day, but i didnt pick up, & he kept calling intil i did. ahhh.
haley is leaving sunday. we wanted to go bowling, but that didnt work out.
erin got pulled over the other night...& the cop was a hugeeee dick.
im going to the beach the 6th :D very funnnnn.
valerie hasnt called. dick-whipped. wahhh.

<333 n0ra.

2  i want all of y o u

whatcha gonna do with all that junk inside yo trunkkk. [ 07.21.2005 ]
4:17 pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

steven & i have been having good convos. i know he wants to get back together, but ehh. he always texts me & stuff & yeah. its just...he smokes to much, & hes still a sophomore & i have more plans for myself.
steven doesnt want to do anything. go to college, etc. & i know he doesnt want to be with anyone else but me. i wish sometimes he would move on, but yeah. i want to be friends but he refuses to without going out with me. hmm.

haleys coming SAT! mad partiesss. im so excited.
rach & cast & i had a good time the other night. we bought lunchables. chris mcmunn slapped me in the head during 16 candles.
valerie & i arent speaking. if she wants to take sides with her fatass cheating hairy boyfriend that is straightttt with me. when they go to college it wont last anyway cause there will be a different girl in his dorm everynight anyway. holller.
mp & i got into a fight. lol, were okay now...

ship & i went out to eat today, the gym & starbucks.
erin & bp are great together! everything with them is awesomeee.
this summer has been amazing so far.

<3333.

1  i want all of y o u

evil, i`ve come to tell you that she`s evil. [ 07.15.2005 ]
4:58 pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

things have been going great!
wednesday rach, cast & i went out :D we had an amazing time just being stupid :P got some subway, james gang & screamed kelly clarkson. hollllerrr ;) very good times with the girls.
so last night brooke & amelia & i made snowballs & rented movies. i helped amelia move into her new house today & its amazing. there are going to be so many parties there :P her room is the master & she had a biggg tub! i took a bath in it, lol ;) but sunday im helping her again & monday robbie & i are sleeping over! :D thennnn wednesday were all going out to eatttt :D

tonight i think im going out with rach & cast again! shipley comes homeee tomorrow :D!
brooke is leaving for the beach, i`ll missss you <3
hide & seek is such a good movie. i really liked it alot. random i know, but yessh.
rach & i are going to take a trip to adventure park & see that boyyyyy. rofl:P

steven wont leave me alone, but what the hell else is new. lolll.

very much love ♥

1  i want all of y o u

stop bringing crack into my house <3 [ 07.09.2005 ]
4:30 pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

i`m in new yorkkkk! ahh, i love it here.
jess* stayed with me in maryland for 2 days, & the first night ship came over & we all dropped it like it was hott <3 we got 26 mikes hard & killed them all. pussy beer, but it`s fine, & we had a good time. the next night erin came over again & we all hungout. it was very fun <3 i`m so happy she was down for a little. we went to miyako`s with my family which was really nice. i love it there.
i love being here though :) i love seeing jess*`s parents & everything. our plane ride was 45 mins & when we got off bethhh & D gave me hugs & drove us home. we went out with the girls that night, to erikas bonfire & then to a party. we all slept at marys :) it was fun. taylor was crazy that night.
christie reminds me alot of erin, so its nice to talk to her & stuff :)
the next day jess* & i got our nails down & got pad-thai with nicole, christie, taylor, mary & erika. funnn :) we hungout at erics? house for a little. tonight i think were going out with haley & taylor cause everyone else left for camps & stuff :P
ryan is a really nice guy. i`m glad jess* & him are together. they look so cute :) & she seems realllly happyy.
i`m going to be home tuesday. :) so yeahhhhh.

val`s back from the hospital! :D

i just wanted a quick update.
* i watched the movie we made back in 9th grade. i watched it last time to :D i miss liz watching that movie =( crazyyy times.

49  i want all of y o u

picccccc`s baby [ 06.21.2005 ]
11:39 pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

crazy timesCollapse )

represent the LBC * [ 06.21.2005 ]
10:40 pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

my summer has been a m a z i n g so far!

> brooke, amelia & i have been hanging out a lot with jp, mike & robbie. jp is robbies older brother & hes amelias best hott friend :D & mike is jps roomate - hes 26 & jp is 20. but we go there to drink & chill. its really fun & layed back. so we went there a couple nights ago after i visited nancy in the hospital & the girls went swimming, & then spent the night at amelias.

* amelias mom was working late the other night & her dad wasnt there so we drank & had robbie over. it was fun :D we took brooke home at 1;00 tho, & i had a doctors appt the next day.

then we went back yesterday night, & hungout with jp. before hand we went to starbucks & the mall. we had some weird, crazy random fun, lol =P. then we went to mcdonalds & met up with mike & talked to him for a bit. downtowne frederick was funnn to - right brooke ;)
since amelia is leaving we had to go & help her pack her stuff for cali & since shes moving to a new house in mtown when she comes back we were packing everything up. it was crazy.

anywayyyyss, erin & i went to the mall the other day & taco bell, & yeah.
we saw wallace & bobby the other night to. erin woke me up at like 1;00, but it was all good. its always good to hear from my shipley <3

ocean city with val the 1st-4th, JESS* the 6th-12th ;) i cant wait.

* ashley left me the funniest message-i love you baby!

stolenCollapse )

3  i want all of y o u

it only matter`s who you are with. [ 06.13.2005 ]
6:42 pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

so, yesterday i booked my ticket`s with jess* to go back to new york with her :D i`m so excited. since i`m coming back from the beach the 4th, she`s going to stay in MD til the 6th with me, & then we are flying back to new york together. & then i`m staying intil the 12th. i`m soooo happy! we promised each other we would see each other at least twice a year. i can`t wait to see my bestest friend again. i love you JLB* <3

nancy got into a huge car crash yesterday. some guy was stoned & hit her face on. he didn`t live, but she did. it`s so scary though, because she could have died. it`s been a hard two day`s, but i think everything will be okay.

saturday before her crash, nancy & i went to the lake to tan & got subway & starbuck`s. i got a venti mint mocha chip. it`s the best thing everrrrr. i swear :P everyone need`s to go out & get one.

* kelli is back from senior week & she called me. so, we will deff go out this week, & erin is off grounding this friday :)

& of course, this week i need some hanging time with brooke & amelia. i miss you girlies ♥

nora elizabeth.

6  i want all of y o u

shake yo ass, watch yo` self. [ 06.11.2005 ]
4:20 pm]
[ mood | curious ]

thursday, cait, erin & i went to the outlet`s. we ate chinese & shipley got some discount`s at polo =) very fun. drew was working, so it was good to see him.
brit called & thing`s aren`t going good for her at senior week, but she`s coming home tonight. caitlin has to work, & so does ship til` 9;30,yo.

amelia & brooke stopped by the other day =D i was so friggin` happy to see both of them. my adorable girl, i love you <33

shipley & i got caught sneaking out last weekend, but we did it again last night anyway. my parenet`s don`t care if i go out, but erin snuck out of her window. bobby & wallace came & got us, & then we went back to wallace`s. veryyyyyy fun.

erin & i are going to be getting in alot of trouble this summer.

<3

1  i want all of y o u

so tonight. so i lied. are you the now, or never type? [ 06.01.2005 ]
9:52 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

today was graduation =) good job class of 2005!

yesterday, ship, cait & i went to taco bell, & chilllled in the hot-tub. it was fun being with my girl`s again. it`s giving me a good out-look to the summer. i just want to be with my friend`s, make so many memories & bring our senior year in together =) because next year, all we have is each other.
i`m really ready to find-out who i am. start everything off right. & i know who i need helping me now.
i love you guys <33

thennnn cait left =\ & ship & i chilled & called some people, & just hungout ;)
we picked jackie up this morning, & we had to get ready. it was all crazy, because shipley & i already knew what were wearing, but jackie didn`t so i took her to my house & we got her some clothes ;) then we picked up mcdonald`s & cait & brit met up with us & we drove to mount st. mary`s =)
everyone looked so cute! *

grad was fun, but sorta boringgg, but we left & stopped at taco bell =) we dropped jackie off =\ & that`s about it.

i`m going to miss my valerie so much :) we went out to eat at isabella`s, one of val & i's favortie restraunt`s for her dinner & we just laughed & looked back on memories with her step-dad & mom :)
i`m tiredddddd, yo.

n0ra x

4  i want all of y o u

we`re going to stay eighteen forever. [ 05.31.2005 ]
1:45 pm]
[ mood | amused ]

friday kelli & i went to friday`s with her friend sean, he`s so cute =) & some other guy, but i forgot his name :P then we went to ryan lingg`s. caitlin & britt were their.i saw matthew, because he was suppose to see my sister before she left but he didn`t =\

sat, went to amelia`s, some stuff happened. brooke & christine were suppose to hang-out afterward`s, but didn`t, but i totally understand why. but i wish they did! they were so sweet. <3 you girls.

i got my belly pierced! i love it so much. it`s a green ring, i took emily o`s advice. it`s cute. ;)

tomorrow is graduation & i still don`t know if im going to wear a dress or a skirt, so hmm.

went shopping & got some really cute stuff, but i love my new shirt from express :)

i have a new cell number, if you want it, just ask meeeeeee.


---> ashley wrote this about me :] it was a little survey in her journal

o1. So much! I think you`re so gorgeous. You have the most beautiful face I`ve ever seen. I`d love to take pictures of you for photo sometime. :D
o2. Something Corporate; "Konstantine"
o3. 3 O`Clock.
o4. Clouds. You remind me of the sky and clouds.
o5. When I was still in the band and we`d walk around your neighborhood really late at night. One time, you and Valerie came with us and you were in your PJ`s, wrapped in a blanket, just walking down the street. It was cute.
o6. * i didnt know how to copy the color - but it was purple :)
o7. When am I going to get to see you? I miss you. :]

6  i want all of y o u

" i was like, girl - no you didn`t pay money for that hair " [ 05.24.2005 ]
1:31 pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

jess* called me yesterday. she was on her way to get her damn back crackkkked. we talked for about 30-45 mins. i love her :D
i have more good news. haley trent is coming down this summer too =) so it`s going to be non-stop partying all friggin` summer. i can`t wait...
kelli with a p called me to, so were prolly going to go out this weekend.
my birthday is tomorrow, if y`all don`t know!
big ole` 1 7
nat turned 15 on sunday.
so yesh, i met my tutor the other day. she won`t let me use a calulator my my math work. um, lady; don`t make me drop it like it`s hott :P

hope everyone is having a good week.

8  i want all of y o u

is it like that, everytime you`re around? [ 05.18.2005 ]
9:12 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

life is really really stupid.
but im out of school now, & i just want to forget about everything. & contuine to forget.
so im ready for summer.
i`m just ready to start over.
& i really hate insurance.
taken from O

HAVE YOU EVER..........
1. kissed your cousin: lol omgggg.
2. Ran away: yes, when i really little
3. Broken someones heart: yes i think i have.
4. Been in love: yes
5. Cried when some one died: yes
6. Wanted someone u no u cant have: yup. hasn`t everyone?
7. Broke a bone: sure have
8. Drank alcohol: ;)
9. Lied: everyone does..
10.Cried in school: prolly more then anyone. i`mma loser :)

WHICH IS BETTER..........
11. coke or pepsi: coke
12. sprite or 7-up: sprite
13. Girls or guys: that`s hard.
14. Flowers or candy: flowers
15. Scruff or clean-shaven: clean-shaven
16. Quiet or loud: sheesh. a jess* b
17. Blondes or brunettes: for a guy? brown, i don`t really care for a girl, i mean i`m not judging hurr. but i would rather have brown.
18.Bitchy or slutty: bitchy
19.Tall or short: tall for a guy, i like being short.
20.Pants or shorts: am i being retarding & these are questions on what is hott for a guy.

WITH THE OPPOSITE OR SAME SEX........
21.What do u notice first: eye`s & hair
22.Last person u slow danced with: steven
23.Whats the worst question to ask: hmmmmm

THE LAST TIME.............
24.Showered: about 2 hours ago
25.Had sex: like a month ago
26.Had a great time with the opposite sex: little while ago.

WHAT IS (YOUR FAVORITE)
27. Your good luck charm: i really don`t have one
28. Person u hate the most: britni clements is a hard-core bitch
29. The best thing that has happened?: i don`t have a best thing really.
30.Color: purple
31.Movie: thirteen,16 candles,napoleon dynamite, etcccc
32.Subject: english
33.Juice: apple juice & cranberry
34.Cars: don`t care really.
35.Ice cream: cookie dough
37.breakfast: bagel

WHAT.........
38.Makes u laugh the most: old people
39.Makes u smile: i can`t really say. because i don`t know
40.Can make u feel better no matter what: =\ i don`t know.

WHO.......
41.Has a crush on u: no one
42.Do u have a crush on: no one
43.Has it easier guy or girls: boys
44.Gives u a funny feeling when u c them: a lot of people, but different feelings

DO YOU EVER.................
45. Sit by the phone waiting for someone to call all night: yeah =\
46. Save aol convos: yup
47. Save e-mails: yup
48. Wish u were sum one else: yup
49. Wish u were a member of the opposite sex: nopeeee

BEST..............
50.Cologne: hmmm ;P
51.Perfume: lacoste, & lucky
52.Kiss: romantic
53.Romantic memory: 1 year anniversay
54.Most recent advice given to you: alot, but its diffcult to explain

HAVE YOU...............
55. Fallen for ur best friend: nope
56. Made out with just a friend: yes
58. Been in love: yes
59. Been in lust: yes
60. Used someone: lol yesss
61. Been used: yeahhhhh, i think lots of girls have
62. Cheated on someone: yes =\
63. Been cheated on: yeah
64. Had sex: yes
65.Done something u regret: yes

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON..........
66. U touched: oh geez
67. U talked to: mp
68. U hugged: my stepbrother sorta thing, micheal baby :)
69. U imed: mp
70. U yelled at: steven
71. U kissed: oh the cheek? my dads fiance`
72. U laughed with: valerieee
73. Who broke ur heart: steven i guess
74. Who told u they loved u: steven

DO YOU......
76. Color ur hair: no
77. Have tatoos: no
78. Have peircings: yes
79. Have a girlfriend/boyfriend/both: nope
80. Own a webcam: no
81. Own a thong: yahhhh
82. Ever get off the damn comp: yes i do
83. sprechen sie deutsch: what the fuck
84. habla espanol: no i dont
85. Quack: shit...

HAVE YOU ...........
86. Stolen anything: yeah, nothing big tho.

ARE YOU.......
88. Schizophrenic: lol no
89. obsessive: very
90. compulsive: yeah
91. obsessive compulsive: yes
92. panic prone: yup
93. anxiety: yes
94. Depressed: yup
95. Suicidal: dumb question


<3

6  i want all of y o u

hospital. [ 05.11.2005 ]
12:17 pm]
nora has been in a hospital in virginia since last tuesday. she will most likley be gone a month.
<3 val.

hmmmmmm ;) [ 04.11.2005 ]
10:29 am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

you are fucking stupid.
if you want to stalk me, to find out information about your ex-boyfriend that is really dysfuctional & sad. you are sad. get a life. stay out of MiNE, HiS, & VALERiE`S. because you are know longer apart of his`s, if you have not noticed. you make yourself look even stupider, trying to be. honestly, move on. because he did a long time ago. why would he have slept with valerie over a year ago & stuck with that up until now. you were just to stupid to notice. you are just to stupid in general. you`re just a selfish bitch who only care`s about herself & no-one else. why else would he have dumped your sorry ass. so, move on & realize you were never good enough. so go ahead & print out more of my entrie`s you fucking ass-face, sleezebag.

so deep, that it didn`t even bleed & catch me <3 of guard. [ 04.10.2005 ]
8:47 pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

i`m sick again =\
i`ve been getting sick alottt lately. i don`t know what it is, but i don`t give a fuck. i`ve just been throwing up alot, oh well, losing weight, ;)
anyway`s, this weekend was very uneventful because i am sick. expect saturday which was fun, but i was growing sickkkker every hour.
val, me, matt, steven, josh, jordan (there new basset), nathan, & alex went to the grange to listen to some band`s play. well josh wanted to go to boston market first & get chicken pot pie. =\ ack. i didn`t eat anything, so i drank water the whole damn day, because yeahhh. plus my stomach has been in knot`s in forrever.
we had a goood time driving down, everyone was smoking, but the smoke smell was killing my stomach so bad =( i swear to god i almost passed out, if josh wasn`t making his lame-ass joke`s i wouldnt have made it.
something pure was there <3 they weren`t playing, just hanging out & listening.
i saw chris carey K ;) & he said ashley was coming, so i got realllly excited, & yeah :) i was happy to see everyone, but that bitch michelle.
although everyone was burning her SCENCE QUEEN article so it was straight.
we to denny`s afterward`s. i paided for that free-loader josh & jordan, lol ;) so the night was good.
came home, got reallllly sick =\ fell asleep & yeah.
watch OC alllll day. holla. ♥

so i talked to allyson today. when the hell did she turn into an assface? jesus christ. i iMED her to effin` talk, cause we haven`t for a while & she start`s bitching about me weight. i told her about my physical & she say`s this -

babee: so i take a physical exam =\
heart x: no, u look emaciated
ska sweetheart x: yer my height and weigh 97 pounds
ska sweetheart x: thats sickening
ra babee: um why? its alot better then when i weighed 120. i have been this weight before & you know that. after i got out last time, i gained weight to get out. i want to lose it again. i look better now.
art x: yeah well i think that people need to stop trying to satisfy you and finally shove u in a hospital again cuz youre out of your mind
heart x: i cant even talk to you...im sry. i just cant believe that everyone just lets you sit there and fuck yourself up.
bee: fine, dont talk to me. you are so mean allyson. you are just like my mom. you drop people out of your fucking lives, its so fucking rude. you have just shut me out & gave up on me, which means you are not a true friend, & fuck you for saying i should be in a hospital, i am working on my PROBLEMS okay? you dont know anything anymore - you dont know who i work with & whats going on with me. & everytime i try & talk about it you get bitchy and rude.
rt x: no nora i shut you out because i cant deal with it. it wasnt healthy for me. when u started eating problems thats when i started too, cuz i looked up to you. youre also not the only one with problems in the whole world yet act like it revolves around you. you said you were gettikng help months ago and you obviously didnt. you said you were cured when you left that other place and you werent. i was your friend nora but a friendship goes two ways. when all one person talks aboput is themselves, the opther person doesnt exactly want to be involved.

^she doesn`t know anything =\ she think`s i have all these issue`s when i don`t. ah, stupid people drive my crazy.

3  i want all of y o u

why can`t this happen tonight... [ 04.07.2005 ]
12:34 pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i stayed home sick today because i fainted this morning when i woke-up & my dad didn`t want me going to school. i don`t even know why i fainted, but i don`t really remember :(
i feel really sick though & my stomach feel`s like i have hole`s burning through it.

i`m upset because i was up last night baking brownie`s for regan & maria`s locker room party. the strenght training girl`s were having a double party for regan`s 16th & maria`s 17th today. i made them both card`s & baked brownie`s =) but now, i can`t give them to them, & i`m missing it =\ which i`m really upset aboutttt. but i`ll just give them to them tomorrow & we can have a another mini partay ;)

ashley r ;) told me the muddle-puddle is going to be going on sat :) i`m so excited. so i think i`m going to go, which will be awesome, because everyone will be there & then we can all go dennnnnny`s ;). i love ashley, she`s so awesome & i`m glad were becoming friends ♥
it`s weird though, that my sister & her brother use to be friends & she just found out about it =)
i want to be her model for photo <3!

everything with val & matt is good. there going to ocean city in week for his birthday weekend together ♥ so that will be fun. i will be val-less, but it will be okay, because i know she will have a gooood time.

jessi is getting her new car this weekend! she wasn`t in class yesterday, soooo alison & i called her, & she was at her mom`s work.
alison & i did crunches & push-up`s with pete & hunnnterrrr.

jordan got a new car :) he was telling me about it yesterday. <3*
awh, so julianne will be driving his old one! she will look so cute!

okay

4  i want all of y o u

you kept still until the long drive home, slept safe & close to the window. [ 04.03.2005 ]
8:52 pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

saw steven on friday. we wacthed passion of christ. sadddd movie. i fell asleep though, =\ i just couldn`t stay awake.
i had a feild trip friday anyway- i went to allegany college. it`s really nice for a community college. it just doesn`t seem so run down i guess. or so staying so close to home. they have 4 bedroom apartment`s a ltitle off campus. it`s nice =] even though we had a half day i wanted to see what it was like. i still want to apply to shephard, but shelby told me, it was really dirty, which sound`s wickid sick. so i guess i need to check it out myself.

it was nasty as shit out on saturday though =\ which was mfu, but i didn`t care, cause` i still had funnnn =) something pure was fan-fucking-tasic <33 & valerie liked them which i knew she would.
it was matthew scott`s last performance with my dying wish, so valerie being his girlfriend was with him most of the time, so i just did my own thang with ab-ay & danny & whatever. i didn`t really care, because ashley ryan was there & that girl put`s me in the craziest mood`s :)

matthew took val & i home, & we planned home going to denny`s later so i could get my club sandwich or mini hamburger`s =) but val love got a headache, so we ordered chinese instead & matt went-out with his band-mate`s for a last night sorta thing. i was really really tired anyway, so no boozing :P, & i just fell asleep.

full week of school. sweet jesus ;)
alright

7  i want all of y o u

who the hell did i think i was? [ 03.29.2005 ]
8:04 pm]
[ mood | angry ]

i`m so pissed we had to go back to school =\
2nd period i get some note from mrs.egan & she`s tracking me down like alway`s. i love mrs.egan so much & she`s completely my support system, but i knew she wanted to talk to me because my therpist out of school called her over break. so anyway, she bought me a stuffed bunny which was cute & sweet, because she told me she was thinking of me :) because she know`s no one else is...she asked how it was with my mom, since she knew i was down there.
so i guess amy & mrs.egan are still talking about sending me somewhere. & right now i don`t care to much what fucker read`s my diary. if you don`t like me, don`t read my shit, & if you can`t handle me, then don`t go out in the real world, because i am one of the few people with issue`s like these that you will meet.
i don`t know where there want to put me again. i don`t want to be hospitalized for my 2nd time this year. it will fucking depress me more than anything, & can`t they see they are just sending me away & hurting me? that`s all they are doing. & i know they are saying they are doing it to get me help & to learn to cope, but i cope fuckingg fine. i would cope much better if i had some fucking normal parent`s.
i am sick of my mother being so focused on my weight & so drunk to notice anything. im so done with her lie`s & her stupid life she mad for herself. what else can i do? i mean, if i make it to 95 pounds will you be happy? really, what more can i do for you? i sound so selfish & bitchy & so childish right now, but i dont know how i can do it anymore, without her telling me what she eats, or what she doesnt eat, or how she ran 6 miles today, or whatever the fuck she does with her worthless life. & i try so hard, to like her, so i can have a mom, but its not working anymore. it hasnt worked the day she left. actually it never worked, because she was always drunk, or screwing around, or jumping from one mood to the next & people wonder why i am like this? my dad can`t stand me because he thinks i am her.

all he does is tell me i`m to skinny & then tell me im fatter then sarah? well then fuck you? i`ll never be perfect for anyone. i`m never going to get wonderful grades, or be how anyone want`s me to be.
i can never feel right with people ever, because someone took that away from me so long ago, & now i feel its to late to even press charges.
& i don`t even know why i`m writing this because i feel so f-ing retarded.

i have 3 doctor`s appts this week. tomorrow with dr.baugh & she will prolly not up my med`s because my stupid ass never around father forget that my dose was suppose to be raised last week & just did IT TONIGHT- so yeah. wednesday with ginger hart, blah =\ & friday with amy. i swear to god, my life is so full of bullshit.

MFU is saturday tho =) only thing making me feel slightly sane. & the fact i think sarah is going to pittsburg again this weekend. let`s pray. <33

7  i want all of y o u

so this is odd. [ 03.27.2005 ]
12:13 pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

i need a journal change :D i dont know how to do it, since im retarded like that, so anyone who is willing to, im taking your offer, holla ;)

HAPPY EASTER :]
spring break has been good so far. sarah hasnt been around, because shes been in pittsburg with her boyfriend who looks like steve from blues clues. ;) yummy.

so ive been with my relatives from denmark. steven frederick has been with me. we have been at my moms house, because david & dorte have been at my aunt & uncles in capital hill. but, now that it is easter, i thought steven was going to spend it with me at my moms with her boyfriend, but he ended up staying home, because he thought freddie & katie were going to come up, but they ended up not. =\ so, yeahhh.
anywh0re, i saw little peter, dorte & david, last week, when we went down to my grandma`s to pick everyone up. peter has gotten so big :] he looks so adorable & he lost a tooth in the front, & his hairs gotten so long. we all went bowling - ava catherine, sophie, steven, my brother, dean (my moms boyfriend), dorte, david, myself & my mother. which was fun, because ava catherine beat everyone & she`s only 8. crazy stuffff. i havent had so much fun with my family in a long time. i was just excited to be with everyone, & not have any worries at the time. i actually enjoyed being with my moms boyfriend & her, & just relaxing with everyone. peter was running around giving everyone hug`s and jumping on me :D i loved it.

it was my aunt gail`s birthday, so my uncle fred & aunt gail (ava & sophies mom & dad) were fixing dinner when we were bowling. so after we bowled we drove back into DC, to my aunt & uncles. it was nice to relax after bowling. we all just drank, & smoked on the deck & listend to music. uncle fred was grilling steak & making chicken curry & nan, so i took sophie & peter to the store down the street to get them ice cream & chips. dinner was nice, & we had good red wine, and everyone was just talking alot & catching up on conversation. uncle fred read my poem`s & which made me happy because he taught me a lot about editing them & such. :)

i had a really nice night, so we just went home, & steven & i fell asleep in our usual bed, & the next day, we went shopping :) & my mom took us home.
we went back down on tuesday, because my uncle david wanted to take us back down to DC because little peter wanted to see the hope diamond. so we had lunch, and went to the air & space & national history, & my mom made dinner that night, & we rented " saw " & " finding neverland " I loved both of those movies <33
steven & i have been getting along so well ately everything has been perfect with us.

im happy really, i saw my family. even though my family is divored, uncle david & peter saw my father. dorte wasn`t feeling good, so she didn`t come up, but peter & david did. they came over to my house in myersville & ate dinner. im upset because i couldn`t go on the road trip, with dorte, david, peter, fred, gail, ava & sophie because i will miss school. they rented two huge vans, with 2 dvd players, tv`s, couches, & all this stuff, & there sleeping in hotels everynight, & there driving to north carolina =\ i wanted to go, but the wont be back til net friday, & i cant miss that much school. peter told me he would have more fun with me though =)

yesterday mom & i went shopping & i got this beautiful new dress from ann taylor loft =) the one i wanted, with new strappy kitten heels to match. the dress is light pink, with black, & its this light mix of flowers & its gorgeous. <3 i wanted another dress -white & hot pink with strappy shoulders, but they didnt have it in a zero, so we have to go back & get it. so next weekend, we are going to go back & see if they have anymore in my size & get that, with the other sandles i want. there chubby heeled & pink. soo pretty =)
so today for easter, im eating at my moms & then im going home to my dads later with his girlfriend & son & everything, & then later i will see steven & yeah.
eventful. <3

always love ♥

6  i want all of y o u

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